why romance is difficult for me

essentially, i struggle with romantic feelings and entanglements simply because i don't work well with fiction, or any scenarios which seem unreal, or phony...romance is on the same level as those thick, multi-volumed fantasy novels with horses and fairies on the front covers, for me anyway

we have to start with the definition of fantasy in order for me to explain myself,

Fantasy is a genre that uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of plot, theme, and/or setting. Many works within the genre take place in fictional worlds where magic is common. Fantasy is generally distinguished from science fiction in that it does not provide a logical (or pseudo logical) explanation for the scientifically impossible events that occur, though there is a great deal of overlap between the two (both are subgenres of speculative fiction).

And so, I would argue that I struggle with romance because taking part in it feels like i've just been cast in a fantasy play, or mock up, for one main reason: I don't think it's possible for anyone to accept me wholly, or for myself to accept anyone wholly, and exclusively by their own means. i just think it's complete bullshit to even try, and it's a bore to try at all because it's all just a silly engagement of the mind that can be fun, but is unnecessary for people like me, i guess. I'm just not entertained by the idea of falling in love, or being close to someone emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. it scares me, and it also just, disgusts me really

I really don't understand it